Harry Potter and the Year of Friendship
by gwss217
Summary: Or, a Very Potter Crack Fic. The whole gang returns for their Seventh Year after the war. Includes Draco/Hermione, Snape/Harry, Seamus/Dean, Remus/Sirius, Slytherin!Harry, Oblivious!Harry, Ron-bashing, Ginny-ignoring, and Harry being raised by his Not Gay Dads, Remus and Sirius.


Harry Potter and the Year of Friendship

Harry walked onto Platform 9 ¾ as his Slytherin robes billowed majestically in the magical wind. His godfather, Sirius, with his platonic special friend, Remus, followed behind with their hands clasped together. Harry knew it was part of a secret friendship handshake that he could maybe learn one day. His guardians were very close friends, the two survivors from their group at Hogwarts. They were so close that they lived together and shared a bedroom.

Harry looks over and sees his Slytherin friends further up on the platform, all ready to head back to complete their seventh year after the Great War of Hogwarts. Hermione and Draco stood together, also doing that cool friendship handshake. Ron was sulking off to the side looking upset about something, probably because he hadn't eaten.

Ginny approached, and saw Draco and Hermione's handshake.

"What the hell?!" she exclaimed. "What about you and Ron?!"

"What about him? He's not good enough for me and everyone knows it," said Hermione.

Draco smirked, his icy blue eyes like limpid tears, and Harry was very distracted by Draco's beautiful face for some reason he couldn't explain to himself.

"Draco, though?" Ginny probed. "He fought with Voldemort in the War!"

"People change, Ginny! That was ages ago. Besides, he feels bad about it now." Hermione defensively explained.

"But - " Ginny started, but a crowd came by and pushed her away, never to be seen again.

Harry turned to his heterosexual life partner guardians and hugged them both.

"Have a great year, Harry," Sirius said.

"Good luck on your NEWTS," Remus said, handing him a bar of chocolate. Remus and Sirius had reached step two on the secret friendship handshake, as Sirius put his arm around Remus' waist. They turned to leave the platform while Harry and his friends boarded the train.

They found a compartment with Seamus and Dean, who had also figured out the handshake. Harry learned another step to the handshake when Seamus kissed Dean's cheek. Ron watched from outside the compartment, with his long stupid nose pressed to the glass. They closed the curtains.

"Where's Ginny?" Dean asked.

"Who?" Harry replied.

"She's fine," Hermione replied from behind Draco, who was perched on her lap. "She can take care of herself, Dean."

Harry was jealous of Hermione but he didn't know why. She could probably spy on Draco better from her position, he figured.

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As the students ushered into the castle, Snape passed by and gave Harry a friendly tap on his backside.

"You have your mother's ass," he said.

"Did he just say ass?" Draco sneered attractively.

"No of course not," said Harry, perplexed. "He said eyes. People always tell me that."

"You look just like your hot mom!" Snape yelled over his shoulder.

"He's always so nice," Harry said, thinking of all the times he had spent detention down in the dungeons alone with Snape.

"He abused you for years," Ron said sidling up to Harry.

"No one cares Ron, go away," Hermione said, muttering something about Ron being so annoying. Harry knew that it was okay though because Snape had just been in deep mourning over Harry's mom, and had not actually done anything that bad to him.

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The next day Harry received notice of a detention with Snape. In the years before, he would have been outraged - he didn't even have time to earn a detention! Now, however, he knew that Snape isn't as evil as he thought. _He's a very misunderstood man_ , Harry thought.

When he got down to Snape's office, the room was only lit with candles. Rose petals were scattered on the ground. Snape was in the middle of the room on bended knee, which didn't seem all that effective for teaching.

"Harry," he started, "boo boo. You look just like your beautiful mom, and you're of legal age now. I wanted to show you what I've done with the dungeon." He gestured to the rose petals on the floor that Harry hadn't noticed.

"Do you want me to sweep them up?" Harry asked, after happily receiving the compliment regarding looking like his mom.

Snape ignored him and continued. "I remember the first time I saw you, traumatized in that crib. I stepped over your bastard father's dead body and held your dead mother to my chest, ignoring your screams."

"Hey, my father was not a bastard!" Harry exclaimed. "What else are you trying to say?"

"I have always loved you," Snape proclaimed. "Well, since your mother died and you got hot."

"Wow, thanks Snape. That's nice of you to say. I'll start sweeping up the petals. Also, I think the candles are a fire hazard," Harry said, moving to find the broom and leaving Snape in his office. He sure had become responsible since defeating Voldemort.

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Seamus and Dean had announced to everybody that they were going to take the last step forward in being Hetero Homies by binding the sacred friendship pact together. Harry vaguely remembered seeing photos from when Sirius and Remus had done theirs. The ceremony was going to be held down by the lake. During the proceedings, Harry sat next to Hermione and Draco, who were currently on step five of the secret friendship handshake, which had Draco hugging Hermione from behind. Ron wasn't there. He was too busy adding salt to his food as he gazed down from the windows in the castle. Everyone saw some girl with red hair who looked slightly familiar being thrown around by the giant squid in the lake but ignored it.

After Seamus and Dean had completed the sacred friendship with the exchange of friendship rings, and the highest level of the friendship handshake, a kiss on the lips, everyone went to go eat friendship cake in the Great Hall.

"It's so nice to see Seamus and Dean married finally," Hermione mused, shocking Harry to do a double take.

"Boys can't marry boys Hermione. For someone so smart you're really dumb," Harry said. Apparently defeating Voldemort had made him smarter too.

"That can be us one day, Li-, I mean Harry," Snape said coming up from behind.

"Sure, that sounds really nice," Harry said. He could imagine being best friends with Snape forever. They all happily left to go enjoy the food.


End file.
